How Key Decisions Affect Your Life

Apr 18, 2018

SUMMARY

There was a key decision that you made many years ago that you are probably not conscious of, and it is guiding your behavior to this day.

Everyone is walking around with key decisions that were formed in the past due to a strong association between a particular stimulus and a particular reaction. In a moment, we associate X with Y, and if the consequence is painful enough, we have a very difficult time making a new decision, even if we outgrow it.

Perhaps in the middle of a difficult break up someone equates being vulnerable to being hurt, and from then on they make a key decision that says "don't get close to others, or you'll get hurt."

But love doesn't work that way. You can't experience the height of the highs without risking the depths of the lows. And so this person will never fully open up, and they will never feel the weightlessness of absolute love.

The decision may have even worked great for the old you that needed that defensive reaction for survival – it may have kept you from jumping into a new relationship hastily – but it probably isn’t serving you so well now when your values are not aligned with your impulses.

When you are experiencing a conflict between your behaviors and how you actually want to live, it's time to ask a few questions.

4 Questions that Will Change Your Life:

When you were growing up, whose love did you crave the most?
Who did you have to be for them?
Are you still trying to be that person today?
Is that still who you want to become?

You learned some time ago that in order to get loved, you needed to be a certain way. And you may have made a decision in a moment that doing X meant getting love. That may be something you’ve been holding onto for some time, and it may still be how you filter your decisions and values.

If you have a key decision from the past that is still supporting you in becoming the person you want to be, then great! Keep it, strengthen it if you like.

But if you are still being guided by values that no longer serve you, it is time to make some new decisions.

Most people have one key decision that they made some time ago that is responsible for a big fat problem in their life right now. That decision may have supported them in the past, but now it is time to outgrow it.

The point is to achieve personal freedom, meaning that you are no longer slavishly tied to your invisible, limiting psychological patterns but that your belief structure, that your values, and that your rules for living are fully aligned behind creating the life you truly desire.

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