How to feel thankful, even if it's tough
Nov 28, 2024Not Feeling Thankful This Thanksgiving? Here Are 50, Two-Minute Brain Retraining Exercises to Feel Content & Grateful Today & Every Day
Today is American Thanksgiving, but for most people struggling with anxiety, feelings of gratitude are very hard to come by (or at least to maintain).
But what if there were only two simple reasons why your mind is having trouble feeling grateful? And what if, once you identified them, they would be simpler to change than you might think?
For this Thanksgiving, I have a wish for you and a gift...
My wish for you is that you are able to access more gratitude, not just today, but from here on out.
And to make that happen, my gift to you is this: below I’ll explain in simple terms, to the best of my ability, what I have learned about why some people’s minds have a tough time feeling grateful, present, and joyous (there are 2 key things you must know).
But I’m also going to give you 50, super-simple, very practical strategies that I have tested on myself and with my clients over the years – each one of them is a way to train the mind to feel more gratitude over time.
You can put these into practice today to start feeling more thankful, and you can use them for the rest of your life.
Here’s my solemn promise to you…
If you read this carefully, save it, but most importantly USE it, you will see some results. The more you use it, and the more consistently, the more results you will see.
But here’s the catch: for you to get the real “juice” out of this, you’ve got to read through to the end. Otherwise you won’t pick up on the details you need to succeed.
Fair enough? Cool, let’s dig in.
The Only Two Reasons We Fail to Feel Grateful When We Want To
Over the past 7 years, I’ve worked with 613 clients to dramatically reduce or eliminate their anxiety, and there are some key patterns that have emerged.
One thing I can tell you for sure is that, if you struggle to feel present and grateful, there are two and only two causes.
1) Your Mind May Be Currently Trained to Focus Where it Shouldn’t
Here’s what this means in English…
All day, every day, your mind is focused on something.
Right now you might be focused on these words on your screen and what they mean for the future of your mental health.
But when was the last time you ate? Are you hungry? What Thanksgiving food are you looking forward to later today?
Now that you’re focused on food, chances are you just felt distracted and maybe a little craving for one of your favorite foods.
But what if I have you think about something you’re worried about happening in the near future? Create a picture in your mind of that thing you are afraid of actually happening.
Notice how you just immediately started feeling anxious when just seconds ago you were feeling calmer.
All you did was change what you were focused on and it changed how you felt. Interesting, isn’t it?
Now focus on someone you love. Think of a funny moment you had with them and how silly it was. Create a picture in your mind of that moment if you can.
Notice how as you focus on that silly moment the anxiety levels go down a bit?
You just focused on 3 different things in the span of about one minute, and each one caused you to feel something different.
So, what does any of this have to do with anxiety and gratitude?
Well, here’s the first fundamental law of the human brain you must know if you are serious about eliminating your anxiety:
Focus = Feeling.
What you focus on determines how you feel. And you can change how you feel with a snap of the finger if you can effectively change what you are focusing on.
Plus, the ONLY way to feel anxious is to focus on something going badly in the future. Your nervous system cannot generate the feeling of anxiety without focusing on something going badly in the future.
One of the things I help my clients do is to train their brain to stop focusing on things going badly by default and to make it so that their mind defaults to imagining the future going well.
Just think about this for a second and see if this is true for you…
Isn’t it true that YOUR mind has a tendency to automatically focus on the future going badly?
Well, how in the world could you feel gratitude on a daily basis if that were the case?
No wonder you have a tough time feeling thankful.
But, don’t despair. Just because your mind currently focuses on the future going badly by default doesn’t mean that it has to stay that way.
So how do we fix it?
We have to retrain your brain to focus on something other than the future going badly by default.
Yep, that’s it.
“But can that really work? Does it really work that way?”
Whether you know it or not, you trained your mind over time to focus on the future going badly.
You didn’t come out of the womb with anxiety. It developed over time. Your mind got trained to do it, and the pattern can be unlearned and replaced to.
So how do you do it?
Well, you need brain retraining exercises like the 50 I am listing below.
Once we train your brain to focus on either A) what you appreciate about the present moment or B) imagining the future going well, and to do either or both of these by default, you will no longer be feeling anxious.
You can choose to believe me or not, but it’s the truth. It’s never not worked every time I’ve helped someone do it (or they learned how on their own).
So the first thing we have to do is train your brain to focus differently, but what is the second thing that needs to change?
2) Your Mind May Be Currently Trained to Apply More Disempowering Meanings to Things Than It Needs To
Do you remember what I said was the first fundamental law of the human mind you must know?
“Focus = Feeling”
What you focus on is half of what causes you to feel what you feel.
So what’s the second half?
It’s the meaning that you give to things.
Yep, the second law of the mind you must know (only if you are serious about overcoming anxiety) is this:
Meaning = Feeling.
I don’t want to get super advanced with you on this idea in a single post, so let’s just start with the 101 level info you need to start reducing anxiety.
Here’s what you really need to know for now:
We create meaning through comparison.
What does that mean? Well, imagine this…
Imagine you are driving somewhere and the roads have a very normal amount of traffic on them for where you live.
How would you feel about that? Probably very neutral. You wouldn’t be mad about it but you wouldn’t be very pleased about it either.
Now imagine that there were a lot more traffic than you typically see. How would you feel about that? You would probably be irritated.
Now imagine that there was less traffic than you typically see. How would you feel about that? You would probably be a little pleased.
But what if you lived in a high traffic area for a long time? Let’s say you lived there for over 12 months. How would you feel after 12 months of high traffic? It probably wouldn’t bother you nearly as much on day 366 as it would on day 1 would it?
In each of these situations, how you feel about the situation is determined by what you are comparing it to.
If you label 1 high traffic day as “abnormal” compared to hundreds of typically low traffic days you have, then you will be irritated.
But if you define 1 high traffic day as “normal” then it doesn’t make you angry.
When you speak with people in LA, a lot of them will say things like “That’s just how it always is.”
But someone who is visiting LA from out of town is beyond angry at the traffic.
But someone who is visiting LA from out of town is beyond angry at the traffic.
So what does this have to do with your life and your mental health?
Well, here’s the key thing you need to know: if you are not feeling as grateful as you want to be, you need to change the meaning that you are giving your circumstances.
And to do that quickly, you need to change your frame of reference.
For example, how happy are you with your current living situation on a scale of 0-10? Just answer honestly. Put it in the comments even. But before you move on pick a number.
Got it?
Ok, now ask yourself this…
If you were immediately transplanted back into the living arrangement that you had 15 years ago and you had to live in that situation all over again for 6 months, how would you feel about that?
You would probably not be very happy, correct?
Now imagine that you were living in your old arrangement from 15 years ago for 6 months, and THEN you came back into your current living arrangement.
How pleased would you NOW be with your current living arrangement, 0-10? Pick a number.
I guarantee for the vast majority of you, the second number of gratitude was higher even though the circumstances that you would be in would be identical to how they are now.
So why would you be happier in the second scenario? What changed?
The only thing that changed is what you compare your living arrangement to.
You are probably, currently used to comparing your living arrangement to some mental ideal of what you think it “should” be.
You are probably living in what your previous self considered to be your dream home because your previous self was comparing your current arrangement to the one from the distant past.
See how big a deal this whole comparison thing is for impacting how you feel?
Just one mental habit of comparison could dictate how you feel about your entire living environment, which is a big deal.
But we also develop habits of comparison for plenty of other things too – our relationships, our physical health, our finances, even our own identity.
So, let me remind you of the bottom line: Meaning = Feeling.
If you don’t learn how to take control of the meaning that your mind gives things, then you will always feel like you are not in control of how you feel.
Are you comfortable living a life where your mind is just continuously set to its default settings?
I didn’t think so.
So how do we change what our mind Focuses on and what Meanings our mind gives things?
We train it.
How do we train it?
Well, there are hundreds of strategies, and it is best to figure out which ones YOUR nervous system responds best to, but for a generic post like this I’m going to give you a big list to test with and choose from.
How to Use These Strategies to Feel More Gratitude
You could do any one of these strategies just once, and if you really do it you will notice a change in how you feel with almost all of them.
So you could use this list “as needed” on a tough day. You could pick a strategy and sit with it for 1-2 minutes. Really lean in and do the exercise, and it will shift how you feel momentarily.
But if you want to train your brain to think positively and feel gratitude by default, then you will need to develop a customized, brain-retraining plan that you can stick with for at least 15 minutes a day over the course of 90 days.
So consider doing several of these strategies every day, week by week. It will unlikely be everything you need to fully eliminate your anxiety and replace all of your negativity with gratitude, but it will absolutely make a difference in changing what your mind habitually focuses on and what your mind habitually compares things to.
Don’t just read these and scan through the list. You need to actually complete each exercise or else you will not get any benefits or feel any changes.
Each of the strategies are organized by sections.
Section 1: Increase Gratitude For Who You’ve Had In Your Life
1. Imagine the face of someone who you love. List 5 things that you appreciate about them.
2. Set your timer for 60 seconds. List out all of the people you can recall in your life that have loved you or cared about you. People you only meant once count too.
2. Set your timer for 60 seconds. List out all of the people you can recall in your life that have loved you or cared about you. People you only meant once count too.
3. Who is someone who you would count as a role model, whether you’ve met them or not? List out 3 ways they impacted your life, large or small. Imagine what your life would be like without them.
4. List out 5 times that someone has done something to help you in your life, large or small, even if they were a stranger.
5. Recall a supportive conversation. Think of a time when someone’s words lifted your spirits or gave you clarity.
6. Recall a supportive friend(s). List 3 specific times a friend was there for you when you needed them.
7. When is a time that someone did something for you, but they went unthanked? Mentally thank them now.
8. Reflect on a random act of kindness. Think about a time someone showed you unexpected kindness and how it made you feel.
9. Picture a childhood friend. Reflect on the fun and joy you shared and how those experiences contributed to your life today.
Section 2: Gratitude For Your Physical Body
10. Are you able to see? List out 5 things that you have seen in your life that you would have been devastated to have not seen.
11. Imagine going through an entire week of your life without the ability to see.
12. Are you able to hear? List out 5 things that you cherish having heard in your life.
13. Imagine going through an entire week of your life without the ability to hear.
14. Are you able to walk? List out 5 places that you’ve enjoyed walking through.
15. Imagine going through an entire week of your life without the ability to walk.
16. Do you have the ability to sense through touch? List out 5 things you’ve touched in your life that you are grateful for.
17. Imagine going through an entire week of your life without the ability to sense through touch.
18. Are you able to smell? List out 5 smells you loved in the past.
19. Contemplate what life would be like without the ability to smell.
20. Are you able to taste? List out 5 things you’ve tasted in the past that you loved.
21. Contemplate what life would be like without the ability to taste.
22. Are you able to use your hands? List out 5 things that you do every day with your hands that you take for granted.
23. Contemplate what life would be like without the ability to use your hands.
24. Contemplate what an entire week of your life would be like if your current capacity to breath were reduced by 50%.
Section 3: Gratitude For Where You’ve Been
25. Recall a place that you once visited. Close your eyes and vividly imagine that you are back there now. List out 5 things that you appreciated about that place, large or small.
26. List 3 things that you are grateful you no longer are experiencing from your past.
27. Think of a surprise you’ve received, big or small. Vividly reimagine that moment as if it were happening again.
28. Think of a challenging time you went through that made you a better or stronger person. What did you learn from this experience or how did you grow?
29. Reflect on a life milestone. Think about a significant event (graduation, new job, etc.) and what it added to your life. Imagine how things would have been different if you would never have had this happen.
30. Recall a painful or traumatic experience from the past, but list out three characteristics that it gave you that have helped you in some way (e.g. resilience, strength, intelligence).
31. List out 5 things, big or small, that you will be grateful for at some point in the future.
Section 4: Gratitude For Yourself
32. Recall a time that you did something truly selfless for another person. Relive the moment and remember how proud you felt afterwards.
33. List out 5 accomplishments, large or small, that you have made in your life. Examples can range from brushing your teeth this morning to selling a company.
34. List three ways you’ve grown or changed for the better in the last 10 years and why you’re grateful for these developments.
35. List 5 qualities or characteristics about yourself that you are grateful for. They can be large or small.
36. Recall a moment of personal courage. Think about a time you stepped out of your comfort zone and how it benefited you. Remind yourself of your pride for doing so.
37. Celebrate your resilience. List three instances where you bounced back from adversity.
Section 5: Gratitude For The Resources You Have
38. Contemplate the fact that if you earn $60,000 a year after tax and you don’t have kids, you’re in the richest 1 percent of the world’s population.
39. Imagine if you had happened to be born 100 years earlier than you were. What five things would you miss most about your current life?
40. Imagine if you had happened to be born 1,000 years earlier than you were. What are five things you would miss most about your current life?
41. List out 5 things that technology enables you to do that improves your quality of life. Contemplate what your life would be without these tools.
42. List out 5 things that you have in your life that you have forgotten that you take for granted, and that not everyone else has. Imagine what life would be like without these things.
43. List out 5 simple things that you enjoy, even mildly. Examples could include the smell of a cup of coffee or the feeling after you cut your fingernails.
44. Appreciate your home. List 3 features of your living space that bring you comfort and joy.
45. Value your education. Reflect on what learning opportunities have opened doors for you and enriched your life. Imagine how your life would be if you never would have learned what you have.
Section 6: Gratitude Through Contemplating What Others Don’t Have
46. As of today, 46% of the global population doesn’t have access to basic sanitation, including toilets or showers. Vividly imagine what a week in this lifestyle would feel like compared to your lifestyle.
47. As of today, 9.2% of the global population are malnourished, and frequently go without the food that their body needs. Vividly imagine what a week in this lifestyle would feel like compared to your lifestyle.
48. List out 10 things that you possess that improve your quality of life, that a homeless person does not have.
49. Consider a time when you had or someone you loved had access to healthcare. Reflect on how readily you can access medical care and how life would be different if you lived in a different country.
50. Contemplate your freedom. List 3 freedoms you enjoy that others do not have elsewhere in the world. Imagine what it would be like to not have the freedom of speech, freedom of movement, or the freedom to live your life as you currently do.
Be sure to bookmark the link to this list so you don’t lose it when you need it.
The simplest way to use this list would be to pick two exercises per day for the next 25 days, and do them. That would get you through all 50. You can keep a written record of all of your answers to so that you can look back on them later on.
But remember, two things; Don’t just read these and scan through the list. You need to actually complete each exercise or else you will not get any benefits or feel any changes.
And finally, while this list is a great way to bring more gratitude into your life both today and in the future, if you are serious about not just managing your anxiety but eliminating it, you need to commit to creating a customized, brain retraining regimen.
Happy Thanksgiving. I am grateful for you.
Thank you for being in this community.
Thank you for continuing to show up for yourself and look for solutions.
Thank you for your willingness to continue to take action to get the mental health you deserve.
I hope you found this helpful.
Until next time, your mental health coach,
– Ty Hicks
MentalHealthCoaching.com
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