How Do You Know if Therapy is Right for You?

How to address your mental health is an important and intimate matter, and you need to have all of your options well understood and in front of you as you decide what is best for you to pursue.

While most people believe that the best or only options that they have are traditional talk therapy, counseling, or obtaining a clinical diagnosis and a prescription, these routes very often do not produce the results expected or desired for patients seeking a lasting solution to their depression and anxiety.

Therapy is often the first route many people will be encouraged to take because of its long history as a method of recourse. As a society, we have largely defaulted to talk therapy as the go to method for addressing mental health challenges for several decades.

But as we know, not all methods that have persisted have done so because of their superiority and effectiveness. Those considering therapy should be aware of the usual course of action that is applied, the overarching goals of the practitioner, and the limitations this methodology commonly creates.

Two Limiting Factors of Traditional Talk Therapy

The first major factor that limits the effectiveness of therapy and counseling is what I call The Broken Patient Myth. Primarily trained in the somatic or cognitive behavioral school of thought, most therapists and counselors have a deep rooted assumption that depression and anxiety can be marginally improved, but not overcome.

The summarized view is that depression and anxiety are primarily understandable as biochemical or hereditary phenomena and that they are likely to persist in the life of patient to some extent for the rest of their life.

This stands at odds with the goals of the patient when they first seek out treatment, however. When they first encounter depression or anxiety as a systemic mental health challenge in their life, wants it gone, not just managed.

It is usually only through years of prolonged treatment that patients begin to believe that the best they can hope for are small improvements rather than real solutions, and unfortunately the institutionalized methods of most therapists and counselors implicitly reinforce this belief even though the practitioner truly does intend on serving the patient at the deepest level possible.

If you’re going to someone to get a solution to a problem but they don’t truly believe there is a solution available, then what are your chances of having your goal met in that environment?

This is why, in order to determine what method you want to use to address your mental health, you are clear on what your goals are. If merely coping is ok with you and getting through another week with a little less pain would be sufficient, therapy is likely to help you produce those results, at least in the short term.

But if your goal is a full and natural solution, you will likely need to look elsewhere.

The second major impediment that patients often face when pursuing therapy is the non directive nature of most therapists’ approach. 

While each therapist and counselor may have their own unique preferences of tools and techniques, the overarching way in which therapists and counselors primarily conduct therapy is through a non directive approach.

The goal in this approach is to hold a space for the client to speak their mind and eventually arrive at new conclusions about their problem primarily on their own. The therapist will ask questions and reflect back to the patient, but most therapists’ goal is not to nudge the client in any one direction.

While this approach can be helpful, it usually takes an incredibly long period of time for the results to take place, if at all.

Thus, most clients who go through therapy will feel in the first 1-2 months that progress is being made largely because they finally have someone they feel they can open up to and that they have a place they can use as a way to vent. 

That feeling of temporary release is confused for actually making systemic progress towards the conditioned patterns of depression and anxiety that brought the patient to the therapist.

In month 3 and onward, many clients of therapy report feeling a plateau or even an experience like their situation is worsening. How could this be?

A worsening of the conditions can occur especially in situations when the source of a client’s depression or anxiety has been wrongfully diagnosed as the byproduct of a former trauma or abuse. 

While acknowledging and helping a client process such significant life events is necessary for effective change to take place, prolonged examination and refocusing on past injustices serves to cause clients to often feel worse when they leave a therapy session then when they began and to reconstruct their sense of identity around a disempowering experience.

The sad reality is that clients who are seeking a full and natural solution are very unlikely to find it by pursuing traditional therapy or counseling.

After several months, years, or even decades of continued therapy for challenges that could otherwise be handled within a few weeks through other methods, the patient will very often wrongfully assume that how they feel now is likely to be how they will always feel in the future.

How do you know if therapy is right for you?

Get clear on what your goal is. Do you believe that your situation will likely never be overcome and you just need a safe place to talk, be heard, and feel listened to? Then therapy may be right for you.

But do you want to create a true, full, and natural solution to your depression and anxiety? To eliminate, not just cope? Then you’ve got to pursue a proven route that others have to create those results.

 

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

Hey everybody, excited to be speaking with you again this week. Today, I’m addressing a big question I’ve been getting a lot recently, and that is how do I know if therapy is right for me? Because I know a lot of you guys have been in a situation where you’ve gone to therapy a couple of times, maybe you’ve been going for a couple of months and couple of years.

Maybe it’s an option you’re considering right now, and I’ve never come in the philosophy. Our team and myself are a coaches, or your only option, but I do believe that you need to be informed about what you can expect depending on which option it is that you choose, both in terms of the outcomes that you’re likely to experience, as well as the methodology that is going to be implemented in order to try to actually creates solutions for your problem. So, here’s a little bit of what to expect in a therapeutic environment.

Now, a couple things I’ll save right off of the bat are Eddie say, “I really truly believe that therapists and counselors are incredibly human beings that care deeply, they truly want to make a difference and they’re doing their absolute best that they possibly can.”

The challenge I have with the therapy is as stands in terms of a central mental health industry, is that it is kind of doing a lot of the same things that we used to do to address mental health fifty, sixty, even seventy years ago. And if you think about it, I mean, we don’t just do anything the same way we used to do fifty, sixty, or seventy years ago.

Usually, those methods are very outdated for just about every other area of life, and mental health is no exemption to that. And so, some of the ways therapist and counselors are systematically trained to look at issues of mental health and how to address them, create a few challenges that you need to be aware of.

And depending on what goals are, they may be things that you’re happy to see past, or they may be major impediments to what you’re trying to actually achieve. So, the first thing to understand is there are two kinds of major tenants to traditional therapy or counseling in terms of how these professionals are trained.

The first is that most people come from what is called a simatic school. And the simatic school essentially believes that your depression and your anxiety can be almost completely defined and understood from the perspective of your biochemistry. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s entirely useful for us to look at, but in my years of experience, I can share with you that what’s going on biochemically is obviously important to take a look at, but it is not underlying source of what’s going on with your challenges.

And if you doubt what I have to say about that, then, just reflect on your own experience particularly if you’ve tried the medication route, or if you know individuals who have, because in my experience, 19 out of 20 people who go that route of trying to manipulate their biochemistry really do not see very strong or lasting results.

Usually, the period which people see big improvements is between 2 and 6 months, and then after that, they run into instances of having to up their dosages, or they run into chemical dependencies or other challenges like that.

So, the big thing to understand is, we can manipulate your brain chemistry all day, but that’s not going to actually solve the underlying problem. If you’re having a suicidal thoughts, for example, we can artificially change what’s going on inside of your nervous system to make you feel less bad, or feel a little bit of numbness as oppose to the sharp lows, but if you’re still systematically in a conditioned pattern of thinking that is causing you to feel suicidal, then you’re going to have a big challenge there.

So, that’s one of the big impediments for a lot people who are looking for a real solution is they enter into an environment with a professional who's viewing their problem primarily as a biochemical issue and I just would say that if you’re really looking for a real solution, I’ve never seen that path really produce that outcome for you.

It might be useful if you’re trying to just get through the days a little bit easier or get through the weeks a little bit better, but if you’re really looking to overcome this, it’s probably not going to be a route it’s going to work for you.

Now, another big thing that you’re going to look at for in the therapeutic environment is what we call non-directive therapy, and so, when you go to the environment of the psychiatrist, psychologist, or counselor, what is likely to happen is your very first session, they’re just going to spend trying to get to know you.

It’s going to be about trying to get background information, and they can end up spending several sessions telling you, “Look, we’re just here trying to get you get started and that’s how this whole process begins.”

And what you’re going to probably get a sense of very early on, is that you’re essentially walking into an environment where the professional believes they’re going to be with you for several months, maybe several years.

So, you also need to take a look at what timeline you really want to be working on under. Do you really want to be struggling with your depression or your anxiety for years, or even decades? Because what you deserve to know that that is the result that usually happens in a therapeutic environment.

Again, it’s not single instance, but out of the people I consult with year after year, I can tell you that the vast majority of cases are once in which people are still dealing with the same issues they came to the therapist with, even if they’ve been in therapy for years or decades, and that’s a very challenging and frustrating experience for you to be in.

So, when you start out in therapy, that’s very often what will begin, is you’re going to spend a lot of time just trying to get to know each other and open up a little bit. The next thing you’re likely to experience is a feeling of relief, you’re actually going to feel a little of a sense of progress.

Now, it’s important to understand where this feeling comes from and why this would emanating almost always. So, what happens very often for people is when they get into an environment of therapy, they’re now getting things off their chest, they’re venting.

If you found some therapist that is actually understanding and empathetic, they will treat you with respect, they will make you feel that you’re heard and you’re going to feel finally like you’re making a little progress simply because you’ve got a place to let the steam out.

And so that, very often will be something that you’ll feel for the first month or two, you’ll get this kind of sense of release. After the first month or two, very often, what I get reports of when I consult with individuals who’ve gone through this experience and how I know the training of these individuals is oriented is you’re often likely to experience a plateau.

And so, what would happen is you’ve gotten that sense of relief in the early beginning, and then, all of a sudden, you realize like, “Why do I still feel the way I did when first began or why am I still dealing with the same issues?” or “Why am I dealing with more significant issues than I did when I first signed up for therapy?”

And the big challenge with that is what I call the “Broken Patient Myth” which is another big element of how therapist and counselors are trained that you might have heard me speak before, but essentially what you deserve to understand is that 99.99% of therapist and counselors do not believe that your depression or your anxiety is something that you’re going to actually fully overcome.

They believe that it’s something that you’re likely to have for the rest of your life to some extent. Now, I have a very serious professional disagreement with that because if you’re going to somebody who is supposedly supposed to help you create a solution, and they’re going to essentially reinforce the idea that no solution really exists, but all they can really help you do is learn to cope, and accept your problem.

I don’t really know about you, but what are your real chances of actually making lasting improvement? I mean, is that the person you would want to go to to actually help you create a real solution to your problem? I would assume, probably not.

So, this is what I always say, therapy can be helpful, but it depends on what your goals are. If your goal is simply have somebody to talk to, to just get things off your chest, and get a sense of relief, and have like a little release valve every couple of weeks or so, therapy may be helpful for you.

But if you are dealing with serious systemic patterns of deep anxiety or depression, talking is never going to be enough to actually overcome your challenges. Again, this is why very often, after about month three, people will start to feel a plateau and eventually, you’ll start to feel a sense of frustration, like why is my therapist or counselor not getting it?

Why am I not getting more from them? Why am I not getting real ways to actually create solutions? They’re likely to throw a couple coping mechanisms your way, they’re likely to teach you a couple breathing techniques, they may have you start to journal, they may have you count backwards from ten, they may have you do a couple of things like that.

There are also professionals trained in CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy, or they may try to work with some of your thought patterns, and those types of things. So, you may experience some progress on the edges, but here’s what I’ll share with you, if you’re still dealing with systemic and deep patterns of depression or anxiety after two or three months, and you’re not likely in an environment of professional who can actually help you overcome your challenge if that’s your real goal.

And I say that now because I believe I have all the answers, certainly not. But I say that because when you actually know where to look for the sources of depression or anxiety, it really only takes about sixty to ninety days to actually naturally overcome, even the most serious cases of depression or anxiety.

And by the way, I don’t take that statement lightly. I take that statement with full credit and authority of having seen it happen so many times and knowing that it can be possible for anybody who’s committed and open minded. 

Now, this enters us into the next and pretty much final stage that you’re likely to experience in a therapeutic environment. So, very often, unfortunately, what happens for people, and this is not every case, but very often, what happens is, counselors will get the sense that you’re looking for more from the therapeutic environment, then they can really offer you.

And this is very often where the recommendations for medications come in. This is very often where sometimes, they believe that you guys should stop your work together, and that you need to go see somebody else, or you need to go take some time away from therapy.

And this is very often also, where you start to notice that sometimes a therapist or counselor could start to get angry, and deliver some what we call patriarchal advice, where it’s kind of like, what you need to do is this, what you have to do is that.

By the way, I am panning with a little bit of a broad brush, I do not mean to box any therapist or counselor in this category, because not everyone of them will do this, but I am sharing with you that if you’ve experienced this, this is a telltale sign you’re in a environment where your professionals feels like they are limited in their ability to actually get help to the next level.

It’s also a sign that if you enter into therapy, something to be look out for because it would tell you that you may need to do something a little bit different at that time, because you’re almost running the end of the course of what you have available in terms of the results that you could produce.

So again, how do you know if therapy is right for you? If you’re looking to just cope, if you’re looking to really just try to get through the days, and the weeks a little bit better, and that’s really what your comfortable settling for, therapy can help, but it likely is going to become a frustrating experience for you after a number of months.

Now, if you are really looking to overcome this, if you are onboard of the idea that there are a lot of people knows smarter or more capable than you, they have done it, they have been in serious situations of anxiety, depression, even PTSD who have made natural and lasting recoveries, and you are looking to make that actually happen for you, you first of all need to go to a professional who believes that that can actually happen for you.

And what you need is to be put in an environment where you’re not just talking, because talking is great but it’s not sufficient. It’s not going to actually dig to the layers deep that you need to actually recondition those patterns of feeling, those patterns of thinking, and those patterns of behavior that are really the source of your problem with depression or anxiety.

So as always, if you are looking better understand what your options are, and figure out what’s best for you, I encourage you to book a clarity call with myself or a member of my team. I am not from the philosophy that every person is meant to work with me, far from it, and in fact, most people that we consult with are not yet ready to actually work with us, because we only take on people who meet serious qualifications.

But our goal is really to serve you, we want to make sure that you can actually make improvements on your mental health whatever that looks like for you. So please, reach out if you like we can serve you, otherwise, I hope that you get a little bit clarity on maybe why you haven’t been getting the results you want to in therapy, or what your options really are if that’s something you’re going to pursue.

So, until next time. I’ll be excited to see you then. Take care for now.

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