How to Set a New Standard

SUMMARY

Have you ever kept around a behavior that you knew was no longer serving you for WAY too long? Have you ever acted unkindly or inconsiderately toward someone else and later regretted not being in control of your emotions? Why do we so often act in ways that conflict with what we really value?

Part of the answer is that, when we want to make a change, we have a bad tendency to not get absolutely definite about changing. We tend to "decide" to make changes when in fact our decisions are not decisions at all – they are merely stated preferences.

We will "decide" to lose weight, yet when the time comes to actually take action we fall back into the same old habits that got us into the dissatisfying place we are in right now.

If we want to create real alignment between how we want life to be and how we are actually living, then we need to understand the difference between a preference and a real standard. 

A standard is something that is not broken, not ever. It is something that is so firmly grounded in our psyche that there is no uprooting it. It is something that is a matter of principle. No matter what, that standard is not broken, regardless of what is convenient.

A standard is the deepest recognition and honoring of what you know to be your truth. It is the pre-meditated decision that you will only act in such a way that is in accordance with your values. It is the decision to create real, unflinching congruence between who you say you are and who you actually show up as.

We've gotten so conditioned to making decisions poorly that making real decisions has been a skill that we've forgotten we have at our disposal. Drawing the psychological line in the sand to set a new standard is available to you right now – it is that critical moment when changing no longer becomes a preference but becomes an absolute MUST.

What will your new standard be?

FURTHER EDUCATION

• I put together a free mini-course on how to take control of your personal psychology and accelerate your progress. Check it out here.
• I assembled three of my favorite trainings on how to effectively and ethically influence anyone into a completely free mini course. Get it here.
• Looking to get a better handle on your financial future? Check out my free introductory trainings here on how to handle this area for good.

QUOTE CARDS

TRANSCRIPT

What I started to realize, when I was building organizations and when I was consulting with teams and individuals is there were a lot of people who wanted things to be different! They wanted things to improve.

There were things that they saw that were not fantastic about their organization, that they wanted to shift. And they would go into meetings, and they would say "You know guys, I really hope that this is something that we can do. I really hope we can improve on this. You know, let's go after it. Let's go get it."

And a lot of people think that being a leader is just being a good motivator. You know, being somebody who can pump people up, and I'm here to tell you that that's not necessarily the case. It's not necessarily the case.

What's imperative for you to be able to understand whenever you enter into a position of leadership is to say "What am I willing to tolerate?" because we don't always get what we want out of our organizations, out of ourselves, or out of life. We don't always get what we prefer but we do get what we tolerate. 

How many of you guys have put off an assignment or a paper for a long period of time, and then you crunched like hell to get it done the night before or something like that? Okay, so here's what's happening. Why is that happening? Why do we put something off like that until the absolute last minute? Well, the reason is that even though we would prefer to have that paper done and off our mind... we're tolerating not having it done, okay?

This is the difference between a preference and a standard, right? It's one thing to say "I would love for my organization to be better in this way, this way, and this way." It is an entirely different thing to say "I am not going to settle for my organization doing X, Y, and Z. And that is just a matter of principle for the organization."

Do you all see the difference there? One is a stated preference, and one is a line in the sand that says "No matter what, this is what we're committed to, and this is who we are. This is the identity that we share as an organization." 

And if an organization has not gotten crystal clear on what their standards are, I can tell you they're not going to go very far, and that's just the reality. If you've not gotten clear on what you will or will not tolerate, then you're not going to go very far, and the same goes for you and your own personal leadership, clearly.

You know, I'm sure that you all would love to feel motivated every day. I'm sure that you all would love to have high energy every day. I'm sure you all would love to treat the people you serve with undying compassion no matter what... But the real question is what are you going to do when someone stands up and says "You're wrong, Mr or Mrs leader"? What are you going to do when your ego is on the line? What are you going to do when that fight or flight response kicks in? What are you going to do in those tough situations?

If you haven't gotten clear on what your real standards are as to what personal conduct you are and are not willing to tolerate, then, when you reach those moments, you're going to falter. You're going to fall back into that realm of reaction as opposed to being intentional.

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