Why You Need Certainty to Influence

SUMMARY

You cannot give somebody something that you don't already have. Yet this is one of the biggest mistakes that novice influencers make. They try to convince someone that they should join an organization or buy a product without having real emotional conviction behind their offer. Or someone goes into their boss's office to ask for a raise, but they aren't even convinced that they deserve it.

You'll never transmit certainty to someone else unless you have an almost unreasonable level of certainty in your own mind. This is where your real power as an influencer is unlocked because it opens up neural pathways that would otherwise be completely inaccessible to you. If it is an absolute must for you to influence this person, you will find the words.

The most important "sale" you can ever make, therefore, is to sell yourself on your product, offer – whatever. And not only do you have to have emotional conviction about what you have to offer, but you have to KEEP it. You have to stay sold, in other words.

So when my clients ask me how they can become more effective at influencing, I tell them that the easiest way to become a more effective influencer is to start influencing for a cause that they really believe in.

If there were someone who you knew that would be in imminent danger if they did not take a particular action, how convincing do you think you could be in getting them to take that action? The truth is that you would have such a level of internal necessity that you would find the way to do it.

FURTHER EDUCATION

• I put together a free mini-course on how to take control of your personal psychology and accelerate your progress. Check it out here.
• I assembled three of my favorite trainings on how to effectively and ethically influence anyone into a completely free mini course. Get it here.
• Looking to get a better handle on your financial future? Check out my free introductory trainings here on how to handle this area for good.

QUOTE CARDS

TRANSCRIPT

I mention compassion as the absolutely necessary principle, you need to influence 'cause I think it's probably the most important, but if I could offer you a second principle in order to effectively influence and lead others, it would be that you have absolutely got to make influencing a must.

Okay, now that's again, easy to say, simple to understand, not as simple to put into practice. Here's what I mean. If you've been trying to influence somebody and along the conversation they start to push back or they gave you an objection, and even though you knew that this was going to be something that would empower them, you failed to have a level of certainty that was necessary to overcome those objections, then you faltered.

I often say that in any situation of influence a close is happening, and I don't mean... I say close in the sense that there's real closure being created. Either the person takes action or they don't, fair enough? There's a closure to the situation, and so when you're an influencer, when you're a leader, you're either closing – creating closure and getting that person to be empowered and take the action you're requesting of them – or they are closing you on why they will not take action. Do you  all get it?

Many of the people I've worked with in direct sales... I use this language for them and ask them "Hey, do you believe in your product?" and they say "Yeah, I absolutely believe in my product," and I say "Well, you obviously didn't believe in your product enough." I ask them "was the product right for that person?" and they say "Yeah, it was, you know, I really know it was. I know that the person I was talking to didn't think so, but that's 'cause they thought this and this, but if only they would have known this, then they would know that it was really going to serve them."

And I say okay "well where was that intensity, when you were there? " 'Cause if your level of certainty was high enough, the level of certainty of the person on the other side of the table naturally raises. That's what I want you guys to understand. You ever been walking down the sidewalk, potentially on campus, and somebody else is coming your direction, and it looks like you guys are going to hit each other and they don't move at all. And what happens? You intuitively move, right? Or maybe it's vice versa, but the point is that that person had a level of certainty – they're like "I'm not moving" so you moved. You get it?

So in the same way, if your level of certainty that your product or your organization or your opportunity is absolutely critical to this person's life, to empower them to take them to the next level... If you're absolutely committed to that, then you will find the words. You will find the way to reach them. Imagine...

Yes, did you have a question. [Audience member: Uh, let's say you're not completely certain yourself. Is there a way to fake it until you make it?"] Ok, I'm so glad you asked this question. So the question is what happens if you're not certain in what it is that you're trying to, you know, influence someone on.

This is why I talk about influencing with integrity, because I am very much not interested in helping people become better at twisting people's arms into doing things that they shouldn't be doing. But how many of you have had a moment in your life where you didn't want to do something, and someone eventually convinced you that you should do it, and later on you were so damn thankful that you did it?  Any of you guys ever had an experience like this, say "I." [Audience: "I"]

So, effective, ethical influencers make the world go round, and this point has got to be understood because a lot of people have a very negative, understandably negative connotation, to the word influence, right. You guys have all had that experience with somebody who's trying to get you to do something, that really wasn't in your best interest, but it was in their best interest. We all have had those experiences that have kind of left us a little scarred or jaded, right? And it made us weary about becoming better at influencing others.

But remember what I was saying about the map, right? Remember how I said that somebody's particular map of the world is not necessarily equivalent to what the reality is? An effective, ethical influencer is somebody who is skilled at expanding that person's map to more accurately represent reality in a way that empowers them. And that's what your challenge and responsibility is as a leader – is for you to be able to expand somebody's idea of limitation into one of possibility; into one of certainty; into one of the ability to create an impact.

That's what your real challenge is. 'Cause you guys are... what do you guys think? When you go out into the world and you attempt to be leaders do you think that everybody is going to automatically follow you and that you're going to be able to just get buy in for everything that you're trying to create? Absolutely not, right? You're going to have to be able to influence those individuals and get them committed.

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